Nobody likes being disliked. It can be a burden to shoulder the fact there is someone out there who dislikes you and there’s nothing you can do about it. But that’s kind of the point. In most cases, you can’t do anything about it and that’s absolutely okay.
Yes. You read that right. It’s okay to know that someone dislikes you (unless you’ve actually done something wrong, then this post isn’t for you). Maybe you’ve accidentally done something wrong, maybe you’re being defensive.
6 Powerful Ways To Reframe Your Thinking
1. Your Feelings Are Valid, And So Is the Other Person’s
Don’t dismiss how you’re feeling. That’s the first step to feeling worse – because repressing how you’re feeling does more harm than good. Remember, your feelings are valid. It sucks that there’s someone who is disliking you or something you’ve done, but don’t invalidate their feelings about the matter as well.
2. Nobody Is Perfect, Even The Person Who Dislikes You
Hannah Montana once crooned that Everybody makes mistakes, Everybody has those days, and nobody’s perfect. And she couldn’t have been more right. Nobody is perfect; neither are you. Perfection is subjective, and only you can set that definition for yourself. Once you realize that you’re human and need not be a perfectionist, capable of making mistakes, apologizing becomes a lot easier in the process. This will help you dissolve your ego bit by bit; it will help aid in communicating with people better. It’s how you own up to it and how you deal with it that matters.
3. You Cannot Control How Someone Feels About You
It sounds like a bummer. ‘I wish I could have everyone like me – I’m a decent person, I do this, I do that, but why am I still being disliked?’ There are more than a billion people in the world. To have everyone like you is wishful thinking at best and delusional at worst. Keep this in mind: How somebody feels about you is out of your control. What you can do is ensure you are aware of how they’re feeling and not crossing boundaries. Nobody is obligated to be nice to you 24/7, but they will respect you if you respect them. What you can control is your behavior.
4. Don’t Get Defensive About Someone Disliking You
It’s easy to get defensive over our behavior. Instead of apologizing, we end up trying to overcompensate how we’re feeling towards the issue and find more ways to defend our behavior instead of acknowledging it. Acknowledging your feelings means setting aside if you’ve made a mistake or not. You acknowledge someone feeling a certain way because of your behavior, and you allow them to express how they feel. This gives you time to modify your stance healthily.
5. Follow Therapists Online
Face to face therapy is a no go now. Until then, you can follow some therapists on Instagram who give out content for reframing how you’re feeling. The therapists are trauma positive and are overall a great set of people who will help you reframe how you’re thinking.
6. Practicing Positivity
Cultivating your mind with positive affirmations such as “I can do this,” “It’s okay,” “My feelings are valid,” etc., will help you approach ‘being disliked’ in a less brash manner. It is important to remember that as much as you feel wronged about someone disliking you, you’ll be able to ask them more clearly about the cause of their dislike.
Remember, liking and disliking someone is all a part of life. You cannot control how many will like or dislike you. Ultimately, you are in control of how you behave with people and how in-tune you are with their boundaries. So, keep your chin up. Remember that communication with people you feel dislike you will be easier when you drop the blame game and allow for healthy communication.
Slip-ups happen, mistakes will be made in the journey of our lives, but that shouldn’t stop you from becoming the best possible and awesome version of yourself. You can read The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga to understand this better.